


Will You Be My Spiderman?

by impalsters



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Asshole Jackson, Fluff, I tried to be funny, M/M, bc when was he ever not an asshole, idk if it worked
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 16:39:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6122762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalsters/pseuds/impalsters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I live next door and I heard screaming so I came over thinking someone was getting murdered and now we’re both trying to get the spider out of your apartment” AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Will You Be My Spiderman?

**Author's Note:**

> Found an old tumblr post with a bunch of AU ideas and this one looked super funny so I hope I brought it justice. I also snuck a Bones reference in there if anyone catches that. The title pretty much says it all. Let me know what you think and most importantly, ENJOY!!!!!!! 
> 
> (sadly none of these characters belong to me but if they did i would take better care of them than satan jeff did/does)

After a long day of going over blueprints for an arrogant rich dick that’s been cheating on his wife with a different woman every week since he hired you, waking up to a cry of bloody murder is _not_ exactly something you’d like to be doing at 4:34 in the morning.

At first he thought he had left the tv on. So he walked into the living room and checked. Nothing.  Then he figured someone must’ve been getting robbed outside because really, this isn’t exactly the safest neighborhood. Nothing. Then he hears it again and follows the sound to the bathroom and realizes that it’s coming from the apartment next door. Someone’s definitely getting murdered.

He’s never actually met the guy that lives right next door to him, only ever seen him go in and out of his apartment. He’s only ever seen his ass. It’s a nice ass.

He sighs.

Derek snatches the keys from his coffee table, grabs the nearest sweatshirt, and heads for the elevator.

Once he gets to the door, he hesitates. He hasn’t heard any noise from the apartment in a few minutes and takes out his phone. Just as he dials 9 – 1, he hears a scream again.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME YOU SON OF A BITCH? I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU AND I WILL FUCKING END YOU.”

Derek decides that his life is terrible and if he dies before finishing these blueprints, he still won’t hear the end of it, even from hell. He knocks on the door anyway.

A tall, lanky, disheveled young man opens the door with a bat in his hand, looking as if he’s about to hyperventilate.

“Can I help you, dude?”

Derek stares at the guy in awe, his honey colored eyes drawing him in. He finally realizes that Cute Ass Guy has actually asked him a question and is standing there looking like he’s going to swing the bat right through his head. It’d be a good way to go, he thinks.

“Well?” Cute Ass Guy asks again.

Derek finally settles on, “Don’t call me dude.”

“ _Dude_ , you showed up at _my_ apartment. Again, Can. I. Help. You?”

“Are you a murderer?” Derek asks.

“Am I a-dude, _what_? Who says that? Who knocks on someone’s door, stands there, really creepily too might I add, and then asks if they’re a murderer? You obviously!”

“I heard screaming from my apartment.” Derek points to his hand. “And you’re holding a bat.”

“Oh well, there’s a- uh” The rest of his sentence is just a bunch of jumbled whispered words.

“What?”

“THERE’S A SPIDER IN MY BATHROOM AND I’M REALLY SCARED OF SPIDERS OKAY HAPPY NOW?”

Derek grumbles, “Do you need help?”

“ _Excuse me?_ _First_ , you accuse me of being a murderer, which _, rude_ , okay. Really rude. _Second_ , now you’re insinuating I need _help_? Just because I’m afraid of a spider?” Cute Ass Guy reaches for the door ready to slam it.

Derek smirks. “I meant, do you need help getting the spider?”

Cute Ass Guy throws his hands around nervously. “Oh um, I mean yeah if it’s not too much trouble. That’d be great. Thanks. Oh,” he reaches out his hand. “I’m Stiles.”

“Derek.”

“Well nice to meet you Derek, under these terrifying circumstances unfortunately.”

“Terrifying?”

“Oh shut up and help me kill this damn spider.”

Derek laughs as he heads inside Stiles’s apartment.

“So the last place I saw the fucker was behind the toilet in the bathroom. The bathroom is that way.” Stiles points.

Derek starts walking and turns around to see Stiles still standing by the front door.

“Yeah so I’m just gonna wait here while you, ya know.”

“You’re really that scared?”

“It gave me death eyes, Derek. _Death eyes_.”

Derek laughs. “Death eyes?”

“Yes death eyes. Death eyes as in you should’ve barged in here and accused him of being a murderer because he’s been plotting my death for over an hour.”

Derek laughs as he walks into the bathroom looking for the spider. He spends about ten minutes looking the room up and down, inside and out and finally emerges and tells Stiles that there’s no spider in there.

“Well, shit.”

Derek can see the slight worry on Stiles’s face and asks if he wants him to take a look around the entire apartment for it, because he’s a super nice guy obviously. And also, Stiles’s eyes may just be prettier than his ass.

Okay total overstatement, Stiles may have the prettiest ass he’s ever seen.

“Dud-Derek, you really don’t have to it’s fine.”

Derek smiles.

“But if I die in my sleep because that fucker eats me, that’s on you.”

Derek snorts.

“I’ll keep looking then. It’d be  a shame to see you go so soon.”

 “Oh yeah Bug Boy, why’s that?”

“I haven’t had a chance to take you to dinner yet.”

Stiles gapes.

Nearly an hour goes by with Derek inspecting every inch of Stiles’s apartment; while Stiles talks to him about ten different topics, Derek decides it’s time to call it quits.

“Well, I don’t think there’s a spider here Stiles.”

“Are you calling me liar?”

“I didn’t say that. I’m just saying that wherever it _was_ , it’s not here anymore.”

Derek walks towards the door, Stiles in tow.

“Thanks for coming over to check on me. Sorry you had to not only experience me screaming like a twelve year old, but alas, there wasn’t even a spider to catch.”

“Maybe I can experience you screaming another way after dinner next week.”

“ _Derek_!”

Derek laughs. “Goodnight Stiles.”

“Goodnight Spiderman.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“You’re totally Spiderman.”

“Stiles?”

“Yeah?

“Shut up.”

Stiles smiles as he shuts the door.

* * *

  **3 Months Later**

“So Lydia says thanks for letting her know that Jackson was cheating on her, but she already knew.” Stiles climbs into bed next to Derek, settling in and planting his face right into Derek’s chest.

“I’m sorry Stiles.”

Stiles chuckles. “Don’t be sorry, she took all his money. And the house you renovated for them.”

“Oh I forgot to tell you!” Stiles adds. “We’re having lunch over there on Saturday. Lydia wants to show off your work.”

“It’s nothing special.”

Stiles plops his face into his palms, resting on his elbows. “Everything you do is special, Spiderman.”

“I hate you.”

Stiles smiles, planting a kiss on Derek’s cheek and laying back down. “You love me.”

“Unfortunately.”

“You totally do-HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKING GOD.”

Derek jumps.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“THE FUCKING SPIDER THAT’S WHAT.”

Derek looks over at the bookcase near his bedroom door, seeing a small black dot next to it. He laughs.

“Death eyes? _Really_ Stiles?”

 

 


End file.
